Princess Paradise (cici) wrote in lifespark,
Princess Paradise
cici
lifespark

For the past month or so, I've been having major trouble on and off with anxiety/panic. Lately, I've also becaome somewhat fearful of things that wouldn't normally scare me (ie:my bedroom, my boyfriend...ridiculous things. I'm just at my wits end.) I think this latest symptom might be a manifestation of the complete confusion I've been feeling in relation to all this...sort of like a constant reminder that nothing is certain, making me doubt myself and everything i've held as a constant in my life.

The anxiety has flared up again, and all the signs point to some kind of spiritual transformation. My boyfriend thinks I need to reinvent myself, like I've kinda outgrown my current (cerebrally-oriented) persona. This morning, I gave myself a (surprisingly accurate) tarot reading about the situation. I did a small three card spread, past-present-future. The past card was Justice, the present the High Priestess, and the future Five of Wands. I know that the reading made sense to me based on the interpretations given in A Witch's Tarot, but truth be told I'm not very adept at Tarot. Anyway, I'm reasonably sure that something's changing within me, and I need some tips on how to ease the tension that's coming along with it. I'm having trouble finding a starting point to just jump into it, and I've suddenly started to fear life in a way that I never have before. It's a vicious cycle...anxiety and trepidation are not conducive to 'getting over the hump', so to speak, and I need to find a way to keep them calm so I can 1. function like a normal person in the interim, and perhaps find some degree of contentment to keep my hope going. and 2. Move past this and learn something. I'm not asking anyone to do this for me, I just feel like I might need to 'unstick' myself a little bit. Maybe it's all a part of some grand lesson, maybe it's self-defeating behavior at its most vicious...either way, I need to progress and I'm not entirley sure how to do it.

If anyone else has experienced anything like this, please share your thoughts if you will. It'd be much appreciated.
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